Systems and methods are provided for automatically forming an incision in a tympanic membrane of an ear and placing a tympanic membrane pressure equalization tube into the incision. The systems include a housing with a shaft extending therefrom. A mechanism is disposed within the housing. A distal end of the shaft is placed against a tympanic membrane, and the mechanism is triggered to cause the tympanic membrane to be automatically incised and dilated and a tympanic membrane pressure equalization tube to be placed in the dilated incision.